User Service Rep: Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
User: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can
you guide me through the process?
Technician: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
User: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install
now. What do I do first?
Technician: The first step is to open your HEART.
Have you located your HEART ma'am?
User: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right
now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Technician: What programs are running ma'am?
User: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
Technician: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from
your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory,
but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE
will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own
called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being
properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
User: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Technician: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE
and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
User: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is
Technician: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
User: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
Technician: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You
need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
User: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
Technician: What does the message say?
User: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"
Technician: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that
the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet
been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming
things, but in non-technical terms it means you
have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
User: So what should I do?
Technician: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
User: Yes, I have it.
Technician: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
User: Thank you.
Technician: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC,
REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will
overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete
VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and
then empty our recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone
and never comes back.
User: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now and it shows that
PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART.
Is this normal?
Technician: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed
and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing
before I go.
Technician: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other
people and they will return some similarly cool modules back
User: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
Technician: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The
Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need
is an annual check-up to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me)
suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put
another way, keep in touch.